62. What if You're Wrong?

As caregivers, we often operate from a place of urgency, love, and sheer exhaustion—and without realizing it, we start seeing the world through a very narrow lens. We make assumptions about what our partner needs, what we’re capable of, and what the future holds. 

These assumptions feel true—but what if they’re not?

In this episode, I share a personal story that made me pause and ask a powerful question: What if I’m wrong? I explore how this simple shift in thinking can open up space, release guilt, and help you see your caregiving journey—and yourself—more clearly.

We’ll talk about why it’s so hard to question our perspective, what it’s costing us to be “right,” and how learning to lift the filter can change everything. If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or certain there’s no other way, this episode offers a gentle but important invitation to see things differently.

Tune in to learn how asking one brave question can bring clarity, connection, and peace of mind—right in the middle of your caregiving life.

Top things you'll learn:

• Your perspective is shaped by a mental filter—and in caregiving, that filter can distort how you see yourself, your partner, and your situation.
• The assumptions you make often feel like facts, but they may not be true—and questioning them can lead to new insights.
• Asking “How might I be wrong?” is a powerful way to open up space for clarity, self-compassion, and better decision-making.
• When you’re exhausted, grieving, or overwhelmed, it’s important to recognize your judgment may be off—and give yourself grace.
• Letting go of the need to be right can reduce stress and create more connection in your caregiving relationships.

As a Resiliency Coach for people who are caregiving for their partner, I'm here to support YOU, the caregiver. Learn more about my work at www.coachmarika.com.

Transcript

Lately, I’ve been sitting with a big decision—one of those career crossroads that keeps looping in your head. You know the kind: you go back and forth, you play out every possible scenario, you try to be rational, but at some point, it starts to feel like you’re just circling the same track. I was stuck. And the more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that there was only one path forward.

Then, I had a conversation with my boyfriend. He asked me a question—nothing dramatic, just one simple question. But it completely stopped me in my tracks. Because it made me ask something I hadn’t even considered: What if I’ve been completely wrong about this?

That moment didn’t give me a crystal-clear answer. But it cracked something open. I realized how tightly I’d been clinging to certain assumptions—things I hadn’t stopped to question. It wasn’t about being right or wrong. It was about seeing that maybe, just maybe, there was more than one way to look at the situation.

The Problem:

This is what we do—we get locked into our own thinking. Our own view of the world starts to feel like the truth, instead of just our version of it. And that version can be really convincing. So convincing that we don’t even notice when it starts to limit us—what we imagine is possible, what solutions we think are available, even what kind of support we think we deserve.

Why It Happens:

It’s not a character flaw. It’s how the brain works. Our minds are meaning-making machines. We don’t just observe reality—we filter it. Through our past experiences. Through our current stress and fears. Through our roles, our responsibilities, even our hopes for how we wish things could be.

And the more emotionally loaded the situation, the stronger that filter becomes. If you’re caregiving—especially for someone you love deeply—it’s like that filter turns into armor. It tells you things like:

• “My partner needs me to always be strong.”
  
  
• “They’d never want help from anyone else.”
  
  
• “I should be able to handle this on my own.”
  
  
• “If I had done something differently, they wouldn’t be this sick.”

These thoughts feel true. They sound like facts. But what if they’re not?

What We Do Instead:

Most of the time, we don’t pause to question our thinking. We just assume we’re seeing things clearly. So we do what we’ve always done: we double down. We try to fix the problem from inside the same mental box. We research more, plan harder, try to control every detail.

But if the foundation we’re building on is even slightly off, all that effort can just reinforce the stuckness.

Why It Doesn’t Work:
But here’s the thing: if your perspective is distorted—even slightly—then the actions you take based on that perspective might not help.
You might be making decisions based on guilt instead of love.
You might be resisting help because you’ve already decided no one else could understand.
You might be pushing your partner toward something they don’t want, because you believe it’s the right thing.
Let’s say yoru partner had stopped attending physical therapy. And Your convinced it was laziness or giving up. You can be really frustrated. 

But when you finally asked—not from a place of trying to fix him, but from curiosity—he admitted it made him feel more broken, not better. What she thought was helping was actually causing emotional pain.

What Is Ultimately Created:
When we don’t question our assumptions, we end up stuck. Disconnected. Frustrated.
We feel like we’re doing everything and it’s still not working.
Or we judge ourselves harshly and lose trust in our own choices.
Being “right” about the story in your head can come at the cost of connection—with your partner, with yourself, and with the truth of what’s really going on.

Alternative Solution:
 So I want to offer you a power question you can ask yourself

How might I be wrong?
 Not in a critical way. Not to beat yourself up. But with genuine curiosity.
 Ask it in all areas:

• In your relationships: What assumptions are you making about what your partner wants or feels?
  
  
• About yourself: Are you assuming you’re weak because you feel tired? That you’re failing because you need help?
  
  
• About your future: Are you writing it off too early? One client told me she didn’t think she could ever be in another relationship after two heartbreaks. That belief felt safe—but it was also limiting her healing.
  
  
• About the past: Are you carrying guilt for something you couldn’t have controlled? Even if your partner had been diagnosed earlier, that might not have changed the outcome. But we torture ourselves with these ideas as if they’re facts.

Why It Will Work:
When you start asking this question—how might I be wrong?—you create space.
You begin to see new possibilities.
You loosen the grip of control and give yourself permission to not have all the answers.
You also create a kinder relationship with yourself.
This question doesn't mean you’re definitely wrong. It just opens the door to seeing more clearly.
And clarity is a game-changer in caregiving.

Necessary Skills:
You need a few key things to do this well:

• Courage, to question your own mind.
  
  
• Humility, to accept that you may not see the full picture.
  
  
• Self-compassion, so that being wrong doesn’t mean you’re failing—it just means you’re human. Put another way, you’ll need to not make “being wrong” mean anything bad about you.
  
  
• And patience, because sometimes the answers don’t come right away, but your willingness to ask is what moves things forward.

Results Created:
When you get in the habit of asking “How might I be wrong?”…
You find more connection in your relationships.
You release pressure and guilt.
You see options you couldn’t before.
You make decisions with more peace and less fear.
And most importantly, you build trust—in yourself, and in your ability to meet this moment with clarity and resilience.

Closing Thought:
Now, I’ll be honest—this is a practice. You won’t always catch your assumptions right away. That’s okay. But every time you pause and ask, “How might I be wrong?” you lift the filter just a little more.
And when that happens, even in small ways, you start to feel lighter. More grounded. More open.

If this resonated with you—and you’re in the thick of caregiving or change—know that you don’t have to untangle this all alone. This is exactly the kind of perspective shift I help my clients with in coaching. Sometimes the biggest breakthroughs come not from working harder—but from seeing things differently.