61. The Inner Critic: When Self-Doubt Shows Up in Caregiving

In this episode, I’m diving into something that shows up often in caregiving—but rarely gets talked about: our inner critic.

When you're supporting someone you love, especially in the intensity of caregiving, it’s easy to feel like you're not doing enough, not doing it right, or somehow falling short. That voice? That’s your inner critic. And she’s loud.

Today I share how this voice is actually part of a larger cast of inner archetypes—universal roles that live in all of us. From the Hero to the Sage to the Inner Child, each one has a purpose, but the Critic often steals the spotlight—especially when we’re stressed, tired, or doubting ourselves.

You’ll learn about the five most common forms the inner critic takes, how she affects your caregiving, your relationships, and how to begin shifting the way you relate to her.

If you've been feeling weighed down by guilt, comparison, or a never-ending list of “shoulds,” this episode will help you hear a different voice—one that offers more compassion, courage, and clarity.

What You'll Take Away

• What the inner critic really is
• The five most common forms your inner critic might take
• Why the inner critic shows up so strongly during caregiving
• How your inner critic affects your relationships
• Simple ways to shift your inner dialogue

As a Resiliency Coach for people who are caregiving for their partner, I'm here to support YOU, the caregiver. Learn more about my work at www.coachmarika.com.

Transcript

Lately, I’ve been in a season of reflection. You know those moments where you kind of zoom out and take a hard look at your life? That’s where I’ve been.

I’ve been reviewing where I am—especially in my business—and honestly, I’ve been feeling a wave of disappointment. It’s been five years. And while there have been moments of pride and impact and joy… I also expected to be further along than I am.

I started wondering: Why am I being so hard on myself about this?

And then I realized—the inner critic has been running the show again.

So today I want to talk about archetypes—the inner roles or voices we carry—and how the inner critic tends to show up, especially when we’re feeling vulnerable or uncertain. And more importantly, how we can relate to her in a different way.

What the Problem Is

Let’s start with the basics: what is an archetype?

An archetype is a universal role or pattern that shows up across cultures, stories, and time. Think of the Hero, the Healer, the Sage, the Child, the Warrior. These aren’t just characters in myths—they’re patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior that live inside all of us.

So when I talk about the “inner critic,” I’m not just talking about one mean voice. I’m talking about an archetype—a part of you that tries to protect you by being critical.

And the problem isn’t that she exists. The problem is that, for many of us, the inner critic becomes the loudest voice in the room. She drowns out the wise part of us. The part that’s proud. The part that’s still growing. The part that trusts the process.

When This Comes Up

The inner critic tends to pop up during transition moments—when you’re:

• Starting something new
• Facing uncertainty
• Evaluating a choice you made
• Or simply stepping into something that matters to you

For me, she got loud when I started reflecting on my business. But for you, it might be when you:

• Launch a new idea
• Try to rest or set a boundary
• Ask for help
• Or even dare to want more for yourself

It’s like the more important something is, the louder the critic gets.

Because deep down, she believes she’s keeping you safe.
 She thinks if she can point out every flaw, you’ll somehow avoid pain or failure.
 But the truth is—she often just keeps us stuck.

Personal Story

This has been happening to me lately. I’ve mentioned that I’ve been doing a lot of reflection about where I am in my business after 5 years and despite all the work I’ve done, clients I’ve had, all the content and workshops I’ve created. Even this podcast, which I’m quite proud of. My inner critic has been super vocal. She’s basically been saying:
 "See? This proves it. You’ve clearly hit your potential.
 "Other people would’ve figured this out by now."

She doesn’t care about all the success I have had and what I have accomplished. She is just seeing how I didn’t measure up to my own expectations. And…—she wants to protect me from future disappointment.

That’s the part we don’t often see. The critic isn't trying to ruin us—she's trying to guard us. But she does it in a way that often causes more harm than good. 

And, she doesn’t make us feel very good. Her perspective is only a partial view. But she can be vocal and drown out the other perspectives. 

The Inner Critics – Types & How They Show Up

Let’s break down some of the most common versions of the inner critic. You may hear one of these voices regularly—or maybe a whole chorus.

1. The Perfectionist

Voice: “That’s not good enough. You can do better.”
 This critic believes your worth is tied to your performance. She sets impossible standards, and when you fall short—which you will, because you’re human—she rushes in to remind you that it wasn’t enough.
 She’s afraid of failure, judgment, or being seen as “less than.”
 And even if you do everything right, she’ll just move the goalpost.

2. The Taskmaster

Voice: “Hurry up. You’re falling behind.”
 This one equates being valuable with being productive. Rest? That’s laziness. Pausing to reflect? That’s a waste of time.
 She thrives on to-do lists, deadlines, and a constant sense of urgency.
 The problem is—no amount of doing ever feels like enough, and eventually, you burn out.

3. The Doubter (or Inner Child Critic

Voice: “Who do you think you are?”
 This voice often comes from a much younger part of you—one who remembers being hurt or left out or made to feel small.
 She tries to keep you safe by keeping you invisible.
She says, don’t speak up, don’t try that, don’t stand out, because that way, you won’t get rejected.

4. The Guilt Tripper / Martyr

Voice: “You should be doing more for others.”
 This one ties your value to how much you give, help, or sacrifice.
 She sees boundaries as selfish and rest as indulgent.
 She’s trying to protect you from the fear of being unloved or unneeded—but she leaves you exhausted and resentful.

5. The Comparer

Voice: “Look how much better they’re doing.”
 She’s always scanning for evidence that you’re behind, lacking, or less than.
 Even when things are going well, she finds someone “more successful” or “further ahead” to compare you to.
 And no matter how hard you try, you never feel like you measure up.

How This Affects Others

When our critic is running the show, it doesn’t just affect us—it spills out into our relationships too.

We become:

• More judgmental or impatient with others
• More reactive or defensive
• More dependent on external validation to feel okay

We may also struggle to connect authentically—because we’re always second-guessing ourselves or secretly hoping someone else will give us the reassurance we won’t give ourselves.

How to Work With Your Inner Critic

Here’s the good news: your inner critic isn’t a villain. She’s just a voice—one of many.
 And the more you recognize her, the more choice you have in how you respond.

1. Name the characters.

Start by identifying the different voices. Give them names if you want. Picture them. Journal them. Recognize when they show up.

2. Invite other voices in.

You have a Hero. A Sage. A Compassionate Witness.
Let them speak too. Ask yourself, What would my Wise Self say? What would I say to a friend right now?

3. Get curious instead of combative.

Instead of shutting the critic down, ask:
 "What are you afraid would happen if I didn’t listen to you?"
That question often reveals the fear underneath—and gives you a way to meet that fear with compassion, not criticism.

Why This Works

When you treat your inner world like a team—not a battlefield—you build emotional flexibility.

Seeing your critic as a part of you (not the whole truth) gives you space to shift perspective.
You’re not trying to silence her—you’re choosing who gets the mic.

And that subtle shift? That’s where your power lives.

Recap 

So today we talked about:

• What archetypes are
• How the inner critic is one of them
• The different forms she can take
• And how to work with her instead of letting her run the show

The critic may always be there. But you don’t have to give her the final word.
There are other voices in you—braver ones, wiser ones, more compassionate ones.

Let’s start listening to them too.