60. The Hidden Growth in Caregiving

When you're in the thick of caregiving, it can feel like your life is on pause—like you're just holding on, waiting for the day when you can finally get back to living. But what if this experience is offering you something valuable right now? What if caregiving isn’t just something to endure but something that’s shaping you in ways you don’t yet see?

In this episode, I explore the hidden lessons caregiving presents—the ones we often miss when we’re focused on simply getting through the day. I share personal stories about how caregiving changed me, along with key mindset shifts that can help you find meaning, growth, and resilience in the midst of this challenging season. You’ll also get practical reflection questions to help you see what caregiving is teaching you about yourself, your values, and your strength.

Because life isn’t waiting for caregiving to end—it’s happening now. And when you start paying attention, you might just realize that this experience is transforming you in ways that will last far beyond this season.

What You'll Learn:

• Why caregiving isn’t just something to endure, but an experience that is shaping you right now.
• How to shift your mindset from “just getting through it” to recognizing the lessons life is offering.
• Key skills—like self-awareness, mind management, and asking better questions—that help you grow through caregiving.
• Reflection questions to help you uncover what caregiving is teaching you about yourself, your values, and your resilience.

Resources: 

The Rules For Being Human

As a Resiliency Coach for people who are caregiving for their partner, I'm here to support YOU, the caregiver. Learn more about my work at www.coachmarika.com.

Transcript

Intro
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about and reflecting on my time as a caregiver and care partner for my husband. As a coach for caregivers, I’m often revisiting how I felt back then as a way to help me connect to my clients. I remember the exhaustion, the worry, the feeling of being stretched so thin. But I also remember the moments of deep love, of clarity, and of growth. Because, as much as caregiving was about my husband’s needs, it also changed me.

Personal growth has always been important to me. It was actually one of the things that brought my late husband and me together. We were both into self-improvement. We used to listen to Tony Robbins tapes in the car. We met in a martial arts class, drawn to the idea of mastering both our mental and physical selves. I remember reading self-help books like The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and really trying to apply what I learned.

That’s why, when he stumbled across The Life Coach School Podcast while driving to an oncologist appointment, we both latched onto it. We ended up not just listening, but later joining the coaching program. 

Because when life throws you into something as challenging as caregiving, you start looking for ways to grow through it, rather than just survive it.

If you’re drawn to this podcast, I’m guessing you’re the same way. You value growth. You’re looking for meaning. You want to make sense of this incredibly hard experience in a way that helps you—not just drains you.

So that is what we are talking about today - the growth available to you in caregiving.

What We Want
Many of us thrive when we have goals—something to strive for, something that gives us a sense of direction. We like feeling that our efforts contribute to something meaningful, that our lives have purpose beyond just checking off tasks. We want to feel like we’re growing, evolving, and making an impact, whether that’s in our careers, relationships, or personal development. Without that sense of purpose, life can feel stagnant, like we’re just going through the motions instead of truly living.

The Problem as We See It
But when you’ve been in a caregiving role for a long time, that sense of purpose can start to feel… murky. The day-to-day routine of doctor’s appointments, medication schedules, and exhaustion can make it seem like life has shrunk down to survival mode. The pain and suffering can feel pointless. It may seem like your life is on hold. Or that you and your partner are living a diminished version of what you had before.

The Perceived Solution
So we tell ourselves: Just get through this. Once this is over, I can get back to my life. We believe that meaning, purpose, and growth will return once caregiving is behind us. We imagine that once this chapter closes, we’ll finally have the time, energy, and space to focus on ourselves again—to pursue the things that bring us joy, to set goals that excite us, to feel like we are moving forward instead of just treading water. In the meantime, we endure, telling ourselves that everything is on pause until that elusive 'after' arrives.

The Reality
The problem with that thinking is that it causes us to miss the opportunities that exist right now. It makes us blind to the lessons life is offering us in real-time. We become so focused on the future—on enduring until a later moment when we believe things will be better—that we fail to see the depth and meaning in the present. Instead of engaging with life as it unfolds, we hold our breath, waiting for a “better” time that may never come. But life isn’t something that starts after caregiving—it’s happening now. And the question is, are we paying attention?

A Different Perspective
My boyfriend has been a runner for years. It’s something he enjoys as a form of self-care. But a few months ago, he injured his knee, and it has taken forever to heal. Just when it would start to get better, he’d go for a run and reinjure it all over again. Eventually, he had to completely stop all activity to let it fully heal. I asked him what he thought his body was teaching him, and without hesitation, he said, Patience.

When we first met, he shared something he had found on Facebook—a “scroll” called The Rules for Being Human, supposedly from ancient Sanskrit teachings. There are nine rules, but a few in particular stood out to me.

• Rule #2: You will learn lessons.
• Rule #4: A lesson is repeated until it is learned.
• Rule #5: Learning lessons does not stop.

I loved this so much that I printed it out and hung it in my apartment. Because it’s true. Life is always presenting us with the lessons we need to learn. And caregiving is no different.

The challenges you’re facing—whether in your relationships, your time management, or your emotional capacity—are all opportunities to grow if you’re willing to listen.

Reflection Questions
So, what are you learning right now? What is caregiving teaching you about yourself? About what’s most important? What is it revealing about the things that are hardest for you? About what triggers you?

We can learn so much about ourselves—our values, our resilience—during this time. It’s often in our hardest moments that we truly see what we’re made of. And I don’t believe resilience is something you either have or don’t have. I believe it’s something you can actively cultivate. With awareness and intention, you can decide how you want to show up. You can choose to grow into someone who is stronger, more patient, or more compassionate.

What I Learned from Caregiving
Looking back on my time as a caregiver, I can see the lessons I was learning—lessons I couldn’t fully appreciate at the time.

I learned that, even though I spent so much time focused on my job and the stress of it, when my husband was overseas and developed a complication, my aunt called and said, You’d better come. In that instant, I knew what truly mattered. Within a week, my daughter and I were on a plane. Nothing else was important.

I learned to value my own health and well-being—even while caregiving. I saw that when I took care of myself, I was better for everyone.

I learned that life is precious and short. And I want to appreciate every single moment.

And so much more.

Skills to Develop
If you want to shift your perspective and see caregiving as an opportunity for growth, it takes some skills.

• Awareness & Self-Reflection – You have to be willing to look at your experience with curiosity instead of just frustration.
• Mind Management – If you feel like life is just happening to you, growth won’t be available to you. You have to be willing to take ownership of your experience.
• Asking Better Questions – Instead of Why is this happening to me?, try What can I learn from this? What is this teaching me?

A Word of Caution
If you feel resistance to this idea, that’s okay. We’re not always in the mindset to reflect deeply. Sometimes, we’re just trying to get through the day. And if this concept brings up a lot of emotion for you, that’s worth exploring, too. Ask yourself, Why does this feel hard for me? There may be emotions that need space before you can even consider growth.

But when you’re ready, know this: Your caregiving experience is shaping you. You will come out of this changed. The question is, how do you want it to change you?