59. How to Stop Negative Thought Loops

In this episode, I share practical strategies for caregivers to break free from mental spirals, which can often occur when life’s challenges pile up. Building on last week’s episode about processing emotions, I explore how caregivers’ thoughts can fuel negative feelings, especially when you're already feeling overwhelmed. I dive into how the combination of tough emotions and negative mental chatter can make it feel like you're stuck in a cycle, but I also offer a simple technique to regain clarity.

I walk you through the process of a thought download, a technique that allows caregivers to get all those swirling negative thoughts out of your head. By doing this, you can step back, gain perspective, and separate yourself from the problem. This practice helps you shift your mindset, see what’s actually working, and find space to make empowered decisions moving forward. 

If you’ve ever felt stuck or exhausted by the mental load of caregiving, this episode gives you the tools to reset and break free from those negative thought patterns. Tune in to learn how to stop the mental chatter and make room for more positive, actionable thoughts!

You'll Learn: 

• How to break free from a negative mental spiral – Learn why your thoughts can keep you stuck and how to shift your mindset.
• A simple technique for getting clarity – Discover how a thought download can help you get your negative thoughts out of your head and gain perspective.
• The power of self-reflection – Learn how to assess what's working and what's not, helping you separate emotions from facts.

As a Resiliency Coach for people who are caregiving for their partner, I'm here to support YOU, the caregiver. Learn more about my work at www.coachmarika.com.

Transcript

Introduction
Last week, I shared a process for fully processing an emotion—especially one you've been avoiding or ignoring. When I find myself in that place, I use tapping, which I demonstrated in last week’s podcast.

But I also mentioned that I was caught in a mental spin. The two often go hand in hand—difficult emotions usually come with a lot of negative mental chatter. Our thoughts create our emotions, but when we're deep in them, it can feel like they’re happening all at once.

Sometimes, we experience emotions that seem to have no clear thoughts behind them. But there always are—they’re just buried, lurking in the background of our minds, outside of our immediate awareness.

Today, I want to share the other technique I used last week to address the mental spiral I was in, brought on by a storm of emotions.

To set the scene: If you missed last week’s episode, I talked about a recent health crisis in my family, layered on top of some built-up emotions around my business. It left me feeling worse than I had in a long time—like I was at the bottom of a hole. I did two things to pull myself out of that state. One was tapping, which I covered last week. Go listen to that episode if you haven’t already.

The second thing I did was address my thoughts. That’s what I’m going to share with you today.

The Problem: When Our Thoughts Spiral

When life hands us challenges, our minds respond with thoughts about those situations. Our reaction depends on many factors: the situation itself, our past experiences, our energy levels, how well we slept the night before. All of these influence how we process adversity.

Sometimes, we’re resilient and strong. We think, I can handle this. We’ll get through it.

Other times, we’re not so resilient. If we’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or emotionally drained, it’s easy to slip into a mental spiral. Our minds turn negative, telling us, Everything is wrong. Nothing will get better. The worse we feel, the more negative our thoughts become, feeding the cycle.

Why It’s a Problem

A negative mental spiral is hard to escape. It makes us feel terrible and distorts how we see everything. When we’re caught in this loop, our thinking becomes foggy. We struggle to find solutions, focus, or even make basic decisions. It colors our entire day and impacts those around us—we might snap at our partner, lose patience with our kids, or completely shut down instead of doing something helpful for ourselves.

What We Think Is the Solution

When we’re in this state, checking out, wallowing, venting, or complaining feels justified. We might even judge ourselves for feeling this way, thinking, I shouldn’t be like this. But that only makes things worse.

How We Get Stuck in a Mental Spiral

Our minds play tricks on us when we’re overwhelmed. We tend to:

• Generalize
  
  
  
• Conflate
  
  
  
• Get tunnel vision
  
  
  

1. Generalization: "Everything is going wrong."

This is all-or-nothing thinking. We lump everything together and conclude that nothing is working. We gloss over the details and categorize everything as one giant failure.

An example in caregiving: If I take a break, I’m being selfish.

This kind of thinking makes it seem like you either do everything for your spouse or you’re failing them. There’s no middle ground.

2. Conflation: "If I say the right thing, I can make them feel better."

Conflation happens when we mix two separate issues into one. If your spouse is struggling emotionally—feeling scared, frustrated, or withdrawn—it’s easy to think, If I do or say the right thing, I can fix it. That’s conflating being supportive with being responsible for their emotions.

3. Tunnel Vision: "I’m not doing enough."

Tunnel vision makes us obsess over one thing, blocking out everything else. We fixate on a single thought, replaying it over and over.

A common example: I’m not doing enough.

You might replay every moment of the day, questioning if you should have made another doctor’s call, encouraged them to eat more, or found a better way to comfort them. The loop is endless, making it feel like no matter what you do, it’s never enough.

The problem? You’re only measuring yourself by productivity. You forget the love, presence, and care you’re already providing.

Stepping back helps. Being there matters. You’re not just a caregiver—you’re their partner. Sometimes, the most important thing you can do is simply be with them.

The Real Solution: Get Your Thoughts Out of Your Head

Instead of staying stuck in a mental spiral, you need clarity. The best way to get it? Get those thoughts out of your head and onto paper.

This is what I did last week to pull myself out of that deep hole. It’s simple, and it works.

Step 1: Thought Download

Sit down and write out every negative thought in your mind. Don’t filter, don’t judge—just get them out. These thoughts build up over time, and we often don’t even realize what’s weighing us down.

You might find that you’re stressed about one big issue, or maybe a dozen little things are piling up. Either way, writing them down helps bring clarity.

Step 2: Identify the Main Issues

Read through what you wrote and pick out the one or two areas bothering you most. Focus on those.

Step 3: Conduct an After-Action Review

I first learned this process in the army. We called it an AAR—After-Action Review. In business, it’s sometimes called a post-mortem. The idea is simple: Look at what worked, what didn’t, and what you learned.

This is what I did last week. I took a piece of paper and created two columns:

• What’s working
  
  
• What’s not working
  
  

Then, I filled them in with everything I could think of.

Step 4: Take Action

Clarity leads to action. If you’re stuck in a mental spiral, try this right now. Grab a notebook and write for five minutes. Get those thoughts out.

Even if you don’t solve everything today, you’ll feel more in control. And the more you practice, the easier it gets.

Final Thought

Your mind will always try to pull you into a spiral when things feel overwhelming. But you can break the cycle. Give yourself space to reflect, adjust, and move forward with clarity and strength.