58. How to Process Built Up Emotions

In this episode, I share a deeply personal experience of feeling overwhelmed by built-up emotions—how they compounded over time and what finally helped me work through them. When we suppress emotions, they don’t go away; they build up and resurface, often stronger than before.

I talk about why we instinctively resist emotions, how caregiving intensifies this struggle, and why numbing or distracting ourselves doesn’t work long-term. Most importantly, I walk you through my process for fully feeling and releasing emotions—including a guided tapping (EFT) meditation to help you process whatever emotions you’ve been holding onto.

If you’ve been carrying emotional weight for months or even years, this episode will help you create space to feel, release, and lighten your emotional load.

Listen now and try the guided tapping exercise to start processing your emotions today.

You'll Learn: 

• Why emotions build up – How suppressing or avoiding emotions can make them stronger over time, especially in caregiving.
• Why we resist emotions – The common fears and misconceptions that make it hard to fully feel our emotions.
• How to process emotions effectively – A step-by-step approach to allowing and working through emotions instead of numbing or distracting yourself.
• How EFT tapping can help – A guided tapping meditation to help you release built-up emotions and create a sense of calm.

Resources: 

Download a copy of the Tapping Points on my website. Click here and go to the bottom of the page.

As a Resiliency Coach for people who are caregiving for their partner, I'm here to support YOU, the caregiver. Learn more about my work at www.coachmarika.com.

Transcript

Coming off a wonderful family reunion, we had a family health crisis that I’m not ready to talk about yet. But I will say—it’s been an incredibly emotional week. On top of that, I’ve also been struggling with emotions around my coaching business this year. And when emotions start stacking up like that, everything feels magnified.

The other morning, I hit a low point. I felt completely down, like everything was going wrong. Negative thoughts were racing through my head, and I genuinely felt like I was at the bottom of a deep hole.

But because I have tools for processing emotions, I used them. And while it took time, it made a huge difference. I literally lifted myself out of that dark place, and now I feel so much lighter.

And here’s the thing—nothing about my circumstances changed. At all. What changed was that I fully processed my emotions. I gave myself space to feel them instead of avoiding them.

That’s what inspired today’s episode. I’m going to walk you through my process for working through deep, built-up emotions.

Emotions and Caregiving

Before I dive in, let’s talk about emotions in general—especially in the context of caregiving.

When you’re caring for a loved one through illness or a health crisis, you experience more emotions than usual. This past week reminded me of that. And I remember vividly the emotional rollercoaster of my husband’s cancer—shock, fear, sadness, grief, and so many others. Often, those emotions hit one after the other, leaving no time to recover before the next one comes.

Why We Struggle with Emotions

Feeling emotions isn’t the problem. It’s part of being human. The problem is that most of us haven’t learned how to allow emotions. Instead, we fear them.

We don’t realize that the tightness in our chest or the heaviness in our heart is just a physical sensation caused by our thoughts. Instead, it feels like an emergency—like something has gone terribly wrong. And because it feels so overwhelming, we instinctively try to escape it.

I once worked with a woman who had been suppressing her fear around her husband’s diagnosis. She was terrified of letting it out. She kept it locked down, but it was still affecting her in so many ways. And to her, it felt unsafe to even consider allowing herself to feel that fear.

So, what do most of us do? We numb. We distract. We push our emotions away.

When sadness or fear creeps in, we reach for food, alcohol, shopping, social media—anything to avoid sitting with the discomfort. Or we power through, keeping busy, convincing ourselves that we don’t have time to deal with feelings.

That’s what I realized I’d been doing with my disappointment around my business. I’ve been in business for five years, and I’m not where I thought I’d be. But instead of fully processing that disappointment, I just kept pushing through. For years. And now, with this recent family health crisis, all those buried emotions surfaced at once.

If you’ve been pushing your emotions aside for months—or years—you’re not alone. In caregiving, it’s easy to put your own feelings on the back burner because you feel like you have to be strong, positive, and focused on taking care of everything.

Why This Doesn’t Work

The problem is, numbing or distracting ourselves from emotions doesn’t work long-term.

When we avoid emotions, they don’t just disappear. They build up. They resurface, sometimes stronger than before. You may notice that the same emotion keeps coming back—like resentment or sadness that just won’t go away. Or maybe part of you doesn’t even want to let it go because it feels tied to your story.

That’s what happened to me. I’d been carrying around this disappointment for years, and I kept pushing it aside. But over the past month, I finally let myself feel it. And honestly, at first, I didn’t want to let go of it. I just wanted to sit in it.

That’s something I’ve learned—sometimes, even when an emotion feels awful, we resist letting it go.

The Power of Fully Processing an Emotion

In my coaching program, my coach talked about resistance—how before we can release an emotion, we have to fully allow it. And that’s when I realized: I had never truly let myself feel my disappointment. I had been avoiding it.

When you’re in a place of resistance, where you feel terrible but don’t want to move forward, it’s often because you’re not actually feeling the emotion—you’re thinking about it, analyzing it, or judging yourself for having it.

That’s a key distinction. Thinking about an emotion is not the same as feeling it.

Because most of us instinctively resist uncomfortable emotions, we need to create openness and safety for ourselves to truly process them. That’s where tapping (EFT) comes in.

How Tapping Helps

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), or tapping, is a simple way to help manage stress and emotions. It involves gently tapping on specific points on your face and body—like your forehead, chin, and collarbone—while focusing on a stressful thought or emotion.

Think of it like acupuncture but without the needles. Tapping helps calm your nervous system, reduce emotional intensity, and shift negative thought patterns. It’s been used for anxiety, overwhelm, and even physical pain.

Tapping Meditation for Processing Emotions

Today, I’m going to guide you through a tapping meditation to help you process any emotion.

When we do a tapping meditation, we focus on the emotion we’re feeling—not to dwell on it, but to acknowledge it and allow it to move through us. This helps us open up to emotions instead of avoiding or suppressing them.

Here’s how you can follow along:

• I’ve linked a guide to tapping points in the show notes. You can use that as a reference and tap along with me.
  
  
• For the best experience, find a quiet space where you can close your eyes and shut out distractions.
  
  
• If you’re walking or driving, you can simply listen and focus on slow breathing, then come back to it later when you can fully participate.
  
  

Let’s get started

TAPPING TO RELEASE DIFFICULT EMOTIONS

Close your eyes, focus in on what you feel inside. Notice where the sensation is and how intense it is. Give it a ratingl on a scale of 1-10. With 10 being the most intense. 

Starting with the Karate Chop point, the side of the and and repeat after me either in your mind or out loud:

Even though I feel this emotion, I love and accept myself. 

Even though I feel this emotion, I honor how I feel.

Even though I’ve been feeling this for a while, I’m open to letting it go.

E - all this emotion

SE - I can feel it in my body

UE - it’s been weighting me down

UN - all this emotion

C - I don’t want to feel this way

C - But I can’t seem to let it go

UA - all this emotion

TH -  It’s too much

As I go thought the next round, think about the emotion you are feeling

E -  notice where you feel this emotion in your body, it is a tightness in your chest, or a heaviness in your stomach?

SE -  How has this feeling been affecting you in your life?

UE -  From a place of safety, just continue to think about this emotion

UN -  feeling more relaxed and calm, see how this emotion is impacting you

C -   feeling safe, notice any thoughts related to this emotion

C -  continuing to breath and relax, notice any judgements you have about this emotion

UA -  continue to breath and tap, knowing that you are calming you body even while you are feeling this emotion

TH -   you are safe to feel this emotion

Now, as I go through this round, repete after me

E -  I’m am safe to feel this emotion

SE -  feeling this doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong

UE -  and this emotion is not an emergency

UN -  I’ts safe to allow this emotion

C -  I am safe

C -  and this emotion will pass if I allow it

UA -  I’m capable of feeling this as long as it is here

TH -  I can allow this emotion 

E -  this emotion is only part of the story 

SE -  and I can’t see the whole truth when I’m in it

UE -  and even though It has felt so big

UN -  I have the capacity for this emotion

C -  and I willing to open up to it

C -  I can allow myself to feel it

UA -  And be open to letting it go

TH -  I am capable of allowing this emotion

E -   I am open to letting this emotion go

SE -   And even if it take some time, it’s OK

UE -   I am capable and safe to feel it

UN -   and I know the more I open up to this emotion 

C -   the more I allow it

C -   It will eventually pass

UA -   I am safe to feel this 

TH -   and I’m willing to let it go

Ok, now take a deep breath in and out. Notice if the intensity of your feeling has changed. 

You can use this any time you are feeling some strong emotions. And if the emotion is big or you’ve been feeling it for a long time, something you’ve been resisting or suppressing in some way, you will probably need to do this several times. It can take some time to fully process though an emotion that we are resisting or not fully allowing ousselves to feel without judgment. 

But the more you are willing to go fully in and open up to it, often the quicker it pass. I have really worked on my willingness to feel emotions, so it’s gotten easier for me.  But even just a little bit will help. 

I’d love to hear what you think of this and if it’s helpful. You can email me at marika@coachmarika.com