55. Reconnecting to Your Purpose in Caregiving

Caregiving can feel like an endless cycle of responsibilities, leaving you physically exhausted and emotionally drained. Over time, you might find yourself asking, Why am I even doing this? 

In this episode, I talk about what happens when we lose our sense of purpose in caregiving—and how to find it again.

I’ll walk you through the emotional toll of caregiving, why it’s so easy to feel disconnected, and four simple steps to help you shift your perspective and reconnect with yourself. We’ll talk about how small mindset shifts, self-connection, and daily gratitude can help you regain a sense of meaning, even in the hardest moments.

If you’ve been feeling stuck or overwhelmed, this episode is for you. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to stay in this place forever. 

Tune in and let’s talk about how to find your reason to keep going.

Top Takeaways from This Episode:

• Why losing your sense of purpose in caregiving is so common – and how to recognize when it’s happening.
• The emotional toll of caregiving – how exhaustion, isolation, and resentment can quietly build up over time.
• Four key steps to shift your perspective – practical ways to reconnect with your purpose, even on the hardest days.
• How to zoom out or zoom in – two different mindset shifts that can help you regain clarity and motivation.
• The power of self-connection – why remembering who you are beyond caregiving can help you move forward.
• How small moments of gratitude can make a big impact – simple ways to shift your focus and find meaning in daily life.

Mentioned in the show: 

24. Navigating and Overcoming Caregiver Resentment

As a Resiliency Coach for people who are caregiving for their partner, I'm here to support YOU, the caregiver. Learn more about my work at www.coachmarika.com.

Transcript

For many people, the caregiving journey can feel like a marathon. It's often a role we're in for months or even years. And during that time, it can be easy to lose motivation. That lack of motivation can feel like losing a vital part of yourself — your sense of purpose. It’s a hard place to be, and it can leave you feeling stuck and without direction. That’s what I want to talk about today: what happens when we lose our sense of purpose — and how to find it again.

So, let's dive in.

Finding Your Reason to Keep Going

Caregiving is hard — not just physically, but emotionally too. The physical toll is often obvious: exhaustion from sleepless nights, the constant running around, and the sheer weight of responsibility. But the emotional toll? That’s a whole different level of hard. It’s the loneliness of feeling like no one truly understands what you’re going through. It’s the grief of slowly losing the person you love, even as you’re still caring for them every day. It’s the frustration of constantly putting your own needs aside, sometimes without even realizing it, because there’s always something more urgent to do. And unlike physical exhaustion, which a nap or a good night’s sleep might help, emotional exhaustion lingers. It chips away at your spirit, leaving you feeling drained, disconnected, and lost.

This emotional weight can make it even harder to find purpose, because caregiving stops feeling like an act of love and starts feeling like an endless battle—one you’re fighting on your own. The days start to blur together, and the weight of responsibility can feel like too much to carry. And in those moments, the thoughts start creeping in, playing on repeat:

I can't keep this up.
I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm so over it.

If you've had those thoughts, you're not alone. Feeling discouraged, tired, or hopeless happens to almost every caregiver at some point. But what makes those moments so hard is how stuck they can make you feel — like you're trapped in a life you didn't choose with no way out. It can feel like you're just going through the motions, with no sense of purpose or hope to carry you forward.

Why This Happens

When you're in the thick of caregiving, especially after a particularly hard stretch, it's easy to get tunnel vision. The day-to-day challenges pile up — medical appointments, difficult conversations, sleepless nights — and your mind naturally focuses on what's hard, what's wrong, and what's missing. The more you focus on the struggle, the more it consumes your thoughts.

You lose sight of the bigger picture. What started as love and care can feel more like an endless list of burdens. Without a way to cope, you get pulled deeper into the struggle. You forget why you're doing this in the first place — your deeper why.

What Contributes to This

There are a few key factors that can make losing your sense of purpose even more likely:

• Lack of Self-Connection: If you don't have anything in your life that is just for you — something that helps you maintain a connection to yourself — you're more vulnerable to feeling disconnected. This could be a self-care routine, a creative outlet, regular exercise, or simply time spent with friends. Without that connection, it's easier to feel like you're losing yourself.
• Lack of connection to the outside world: When caregiving becomes your entire world, it's easy to feel isolated. If you don’t have something that ties you to life outside of this role—whether it’s a job, a hobby, or a social group—you may start to feel like you're disappearing into the background. Having an outlet that allows you to engage with others, share different experiences, or even just step away for a bit can provide a much-needed sense of normalcy. Without it, it's easy to develop tunnel vision, where every challenge feels magnified, and the outside world starts to feel distant and unreachable. 
• Unprocessed Resentment: Resentment can quietly build over time when you're not acknowledging your own needs or emotions. Maybe you feel like no one sees how hard you're working, or you're carrying anger about how life turned out. Resentment is like poison — it might seem small at first, but over time, it seeps into everything. If you're not addressing those feelings, they can drain your sense of purpose without you even realizing it.

I did a whole podcast episode on resentment — Episode 24 — so if this resonates with you, I encourage you to check that one out after this.

The Impact

When you're stuck in this place, it affects everything:

• On You: It reinforces feelings of discouragement. The more you think, I don't want this, the heavier that feeling gets. You become more resistant to what life is asking of you. Instead of finding ways to move through the hard, you end up fighting against it. It can feel like you're losing yourself in the process.
  • When people are feeling this way, it's often the time when they seek out help. Which is good. I've had several clients who have reached out because they were feeling like they just couldn't keep going and something needed to change. Because it doesn't just affect them, it affects their partner as well. 
• On Your Partner and Others: It makes it harder to show up with compassion. Your patience wears thin. Small frustrations can turn into bigger conflicts. Your interactions get colored by frustration and resentment. You miss out on small moments of connection and joy — the very moments that could help sustain you.

But feeling this way doesn't mean you're a bad person. It doesn't mean you're selfish. And it doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't have hard days. It just means you're human. The hard truth is that even the most loving, dedicated caregivers hit a wall sometimes. What matters is what you do next.

How to Shift

So, I want to give you 4 steps to take if you're feeling this way right now. 

1. The first step is to simply notice where you are. Acknowledge how you're feeling without judgment. So often we feel bad about feeling bad. And that just compounds our negative emotion. So, just notice and acknowledge what your feeling without adding judgment to it or feeling shame about it. I like to remind myself: This is a period of time — not a permanent state. You won't feel this way forever, even if it feels like you will.
2. Then you want to shift your perspective. There are two different approaches to this. 

One is to Zoom Out: Imagine yourself looking back on this time from the future. Picture yourself years from now, reflecting on this period of your life. What would you want to remember about how you showed up? Maybe you’ll recall the strength you didn’t even know you had, the moments of tenderness in between the challenges, or the resilience that kept you going.
 I'm now in that future period and when I look back at my caregiving time, I don't remember every tiring day—but I do remember the small moments of connection - like watching a cooking show with my husband in the hospital, or relaxing together in our hot tub.  So, what moments do you want to remember?

Thinking ahead like this can help shift your perspective and remind you that even in difficulty, there’s a story you’re creating about who you are. What story do you want to tell about yourself in this season? Maybe you'll look back and say:
That was the hardest time of my life — and I showed up anyway.
I didn't do it perfectly, but I stayed present.
I was there for my partner and for myself.

This helps you reconnect to your deeper why. Maybe your reason is love, commitment, or simply wanting to show up as the person you want to be — even when it's hard. That reason is still there, even if it's buried under exhaustion and frustration.

1. Another is to Zoom In: When the big picture feels overwhelming, focus on just one day. Ask yourself:
   What's one small thing I can do today?
   What does showing up look like just for today?

Some days, showing up might mean making a meal, taking your partner to an appointment, or simply sitting quietly beside them. Other days, it might just mean getting out of bed and brushing your teeth. Let that be enough.

When your mind starts racing ahead — worrying about what's next or how long this will last — remind yourself: I'll let my future self deal with future problems.

1. The 3rd step is to Reconnect to Who You Want to Be: Ask yourself: Who do I want to be during this time? This isn't about who you think you should be — it's about what matters to you deep down. Do you want to be patient? Kind? Steady? Brave? Maybe you want to be someone who brings calm into the room, or someone who remains present even when everything feels uncertain. Even when things feel out of control, you can still choose how you show up. For example, if patience is what matters to you, that might mean taking a few deep breaths before responding to a difficult question. If kindness is your focus, it could be offering a small gesture of care, like making your partner's favorite cup of tea. These small choices add up — they become a quiet but powerful way to reconnect with the person you want to be, even in the hardest moments.
2. And the 4th step is to Find Daily Gratitude: Small moments of gratitude can ground you in the present and remind you that even in difficult times, there are still things to appreciate. Each day, take a moment to pause and ask yourself:

• What am I learning right now?
• What small beauty or kindness have I noticed today?
• What can I appreciate in this moment, even if it's something simple like a warm cup of coffee or a shared smile?
  These small acts of noticing can slowly shift your focus away from what's hard and reconnect you to what still matters. Gratitude doesn't erase the pain — but it does help soften it, making space for both the hard and the good to exist together.

So, those steps are: 

1. Notice and acknowledge your feelings without judging it
2. Shift Perspective - either Zoom way out or zoom way in
3. Reconnect to who you want to be
4. Find daily gratitude

Why This Will Help

Both zooming out and zooming in help shift your perspective.

Zooming out reminds you that this hard season is just one chapter in a bigger story. It helps you reconnect with your sense of purpose and see that your efforts, even the small ones, matter. It gives you a sense of meaning — not because the situation is any less hard, but because you've chosen how to show up in it.

Zooming in keeps you grounded in the present moment, making each day a little more manageable. It creates small wins that add up over time. It helps quiet the mental chatter and allows you to simply do what's in front of you.

You don't have to feel inspired or full of purpose every day. You just need to find a reason — even a small one — to keep going for today. When you string enough of those days together, you'll find you're still standing — even if you thought you couldn't.

Reconnecting to yourself plays a crucial role in regaining your sense of purpose. When you're constantly giving your time, energy, and care to someone else, it's easy to lose touch with your own needs and desires. But you are still you — not just a caregiver, but a whole person with your own inner life. Taking time to reconnect with yourself helps remind you that you have worth and value beyond the role you're playing right now. It allows you to tap back into what lights you up, what brings you peace, and what makes you feel like yourself. Whether it's journaling, walking in nature, listening to music you love, or simply sitting in quiet reflection, these small acts of self-connection anchor you back to your own identity.

Finding gratitude and appreciation in the small moments is so helpful to shifting your focus. When you're in survival mode, it's easy to overlook the little things — a kind word from a friend, the warmth of sunlight through the window, or even a quiet moment of rest. But those small moments can act like stepping stones, guiding you out of the heaviness and back toward a sense of purpose. Gratitude shifts your attention from what's missing to what's present, creating a subtle but powerful shift in your emotional state. For example, simply pausing to notice how your partner's face softens when they smile or feeling the comfort of a hot cup of tea can remind you that even in the hardest times, there are still moments of beauty. Gratitude helps you see that your care and presence — even when it feels small — still make a difference.  

This is why I truly believe caregivers must nurture a resilient spirit—a deep connection to themselves and the world beyond their role. Because even in the hardest moments, there is still meaning, still purpose, and still you. You are not lost; you are still here, still showing up, still carrying love forward.

So, if you're feeling that way now, I hope this was helpful. I'll see you next week. By everyone!