In This Together: Building Resilience When Your Partner Has Cancer

43. Facing Anger—At the Illness, at the World, at Your Partner

• Marika • Season 1 • Episode 43

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In this episode, we’re diving into a tough emotion that most caregivers face but rarely talk about: anger. 

When you’re caring for a partner with cancer, anger can show up in so many ways—anger at the world for how unfair and cruel the illness is, anger at doctors or the medical system for being insensitive or unhelpful, and even anger at your partner for past choices or how they’re handling their diagnosis. You might also feel angry about what you’ve lost—how your life has changed and all the adjustments you’ve had to make.

I’ll break down why anger feels so overwhelming, what’s really hiding underneath it (like fear, sadness, or powerlessness), and why the common ways we deal with anger—venting or suppressing it—don’t actually help. Instead, I’ll teach you how to face and process anger in a healthy way so it doesn’t control you or strain your relationships. 

By the end, you’ll have a new perspective on this challenging emotion and practical tools to work through it. If you’ve ever felt guilty for being angry or just don’t know what to do with it, this episode is for you.

As a Resiliency Coach for people who are caregiving for their partner, I'm here to support YOU, the caregiver. Learn more about my work at www.coachmarika.com.

Marika Humphreys:

Hello and welcome back to the podcast. When your partner has cancer or any illness or condition that has impacted them can bring up all kinds of emotions for you that you maybe never expected. And one of the big ones and I think one of the hardest to deal with is anger. Anger at the world for being so unfair. Anger at the illness itself for causing so much pain and disruption in your life. Maybe even anger at the illness itself for causing so much pain and disruption in your life. Maybe even anger at the doctors for seeming insensitive sometimes, or the medical system, which can be frustrating and a bureaucratic nightmare at times. And then there's the anger you might even feel towards your spouse. You love them, of course, but maybe you're mad at them for the choices they made in the past or how they're dealing with their diagnosis now.

Marika Humphreys:

And there is another layer to this often there's often anger we feel about what we've lost and had to give up. You might've had to let go of some dreams or plans for the future to give up. You might've had to let go of some dreams or plans for the future. Maybe your daily life has shifted just so drastically that you feel like you've lost parts of yourself. That kind of loss can fuel a deep anger, even if you maybe don't even fully recognize it. It's a lot, or it can be. And the thing about anger is that if we don't deal with it, it doesn't just go away. It bubbles up and spills over on the receptionist at the hospital or on a family member, or maybe on your spouse. You often feel just on edge. Maybe snapping at the smallest things or, if you've been holding it all in, it will exhaust you.

Marika Humphreys:

So today I'm going to dive into all the ways that we feel this emotion when caregiving and how it can impact our lives. Anger does not feel good and most of us don't like having it. I know that when I was going through a period of a lot of anger, I didn't really like it. I mean, I just felt like this is not me, this isn't who I am, and it felt very uncomfortable to be so angry. But here's the thing I want to give you a different perspective on anger and this emotion in particular. That's kind of counterintuitive, is what I learned in my own experience, and one that when I think I share with you. It will change a little bit how you think about the emotion itself, because anger in and of itself isn't bad. It's what we do with it that matters. So in today's episode, we are going to talk about the feelings of anger where they come from, what they're really about and then, most importantly, what to do with them, how to process and release them in healthy ways, so that you aren't snapping at the poor, unsuspecting receptionists like we just talked about.

Marika Humphreys:

Okay, so let's dive in. I want to start by talking about some of the ways that anger shows up that I see most often in my clients and I've experienced myself. And part of my goal with this podcast in general is to normalize the experiences and emotions of caregiving, because it can feel very lonely and isolating. You may not have anyone in your life who really understands, and when we don't feel like people will get it, we're less willing to share what we're struggling with, so we end up holding it all in. So I want to say right now that anger is very common emotion for people to feel, for caregivers to feel, and we don't have to feel bad about feeling it. So I'm going to talk more about what to do with that anger, but first I see, I think, the four ways that anger comes up for caregivers most frequently. This is not obviously the only ways, but the ones that I see the most are the following Okay, so the first there can just be this general anger at the world.

Marika Humphreys:

That is what I went through a period of just general anger, I would say. It's a time where it can just feel big and vague and kind of overwhelming. You might find yourself thinking how is this even happening? How is it possible that something can be so cruel and come into our lives? And it's not fair. You're walking around looking at everybody else going through their regular day, laughing, drinking coffee, planning vacations, and you're just angry. Angry that life is unfair, angry that this is happening to you or your partner, while the rest of the world seems unaffected. And sometimes it's just anger at the illness itself, whether it's cancer or some other condition. It can feel like this faceless, invisible villain has invaded your life.

Marika Humphreys:

When you look at your spouse, someone you love, and see what they're going through, how much pain they're in, and that pain that you can do not anything to fix, that helplessness that is just fuels, I think, that anger we feel, partly because that when we feel so helpless, anger feels like a way to push back to fight against the things that we can't control, but there's no answer, right? That's part of what makes it so maddening. There is no reason why life is unfair or this nameless sort of shapeless enemy can't sit it down and demand an explanation. And that's what makes this kind of anger so just tricky is because it doesn't actually have a clear target. When we're mad at someone in particular, we at least know who to direct our anger to. But when we're just mad in general, angry at the world or at life, where do you go with that anger? And it can accompany us, I think, just as this energy that we have nowhere to go with it.

Marika Humphreys:

So another target of anger often for caregivers is the doctors and the medical system, and I definitely had both of these, and these are very common. Let's talk about anger with the doctors, because you're already dealing with so much when you have your spouse fighting cancer or an illness or condition, and then you're going to these doctor's appointments and sometimes you may have a doctor or a person in the hospital that, let's just say, is less than compassionate or feels cold or doesn't listen. I had one experience where it was my husband's doctor, and this was when we found out that he had a brain tumor. This was after his initial cancer diagnosis, but we found out that he later got a brain tumor and she was just so unhelpful and it made me so angry for so long and I just felt like she just didn't. We were literally in shock when we got this news and she was just very unhelpful and not compassionate and it took me a lot of work to get over that anger, but I carried it with me for a long time. And when they can deliver really challenging to hear news in a sort of clinical way you might sometimes feel like you want to scream this is the person we're talking about, this is my husband or this is my spouse.

Marika Humphreys:

And then there's the medical system. If you're in the United States, our medical system has challenges. If you've spent any time in it, if you're a caregiver, I know you have right it is challenging to navigate. It's full of red tape and forms, approvals, insurance calls. You might fill out some paperwork over and over again Often feels like people don't communicate. Offices aren't communicating with each other. One doctor might say one thing, but then the next person in the system is saying something slightly different or doesn't have the same message and you're the one that's trying to piece it all together. No, my husband was often the one to call the insurance company and he would be on there for hours. He was a stay-at-home parent at the time in our relationship. He could be on the phone for hours, but that's what it often required. That, I feel like, is not uncommon, and you get transferred a bunch of times. So it's very frustrating to work with.

Marika Humphreys:

The medical system can often feel like why is this so hard? Your partner is suffering and you're having to deal with this system. That feels like it's not helping and sometimes we often feel like we shouldn't be angry or we mentally analyze our feelings by saying you know, the doctors are just doing their best or it's just how the system works and that is true and that sometimes can be helpful to think that way, because it is true. I do believe that all of us are just doing their best, even when it doesn't always feel that way. But when we do that, when we rationalize our anger, it doesn't actually change the fact that we're still feeling angry. So even if we can intellectually understand our anger and give a reason for it, we still have the feeling and that's why it's really important to just acknowledge that it's okay to just be mad, to allow ourselves to feel the anger Again. I will talk in a little bit on what to do with that anger, but judging it or trying to rationalize it away doesn't often help.

Marika Humphreys:

Anger at the system or at doctors is often rooted in powerlessness. We feel very powerless when we're trying to advocate for our spouse and fighting for them and we're hitting roadblocks or not getting very far. So that is often the source of our anger is that feeling of hopelessness, and that's really tough emotion to sit with, and so anger comes in and feels more powerful. It's easier to feel angry than to feel hopeless. Okay, another reason or another reason that we often can find ourselves feeling angry is one that doesn't get talked about a whole lot. It's hard to admit, but it's feeling angry at our partner.

Marika Humphreys:

It happens. You might feel like how could you let this happen? Maybe they didn't take care of themselves in the way that they should have, or they didn't go to the doctor. When you told them to like way back in the beginning of this, there were some signs and you told them to go to the doctor and they didn't, or they brushed off symptoms for too long or didn't listen when you brought up concerns. And now you're both facing the diagnosis and you're just mad about it. It feels like it didn't have to get to this point. But that's kind of anger about past decisions. But it can also be about the present how they're handling their illness now. Are they shutting down emotionally? Are they refusing help when they clearly down emotionally? Are they refusing help when they clearly need it? Are they withdrawing from you when you want to be close and figure it out together? So that can feel very isolating. You're doing all the heavy lifting, keeping your lives running and they've just checked out.

Marika Humphreys:

And then when we think thoughts like that, we feel guilty for even thinking them, because they're the ones who are sick, right, they're the ones who are in pain. So why am I? Who am I, to feel this way? But anger isn't logical. It doesn't show up when it's reasonable. It just shows up and it's because of how we're thinking right. But it doesn't mean anything about us. And when that anger is aimed at our partner, it can feel extra bad because not only are we struggling with the anger itself, but then we're also carrying the guilt and the shame of having it.

Marika Humphreys:

So if you're feeling guilt for anger you feel towards your partner because they're the one that's sick and you're feeling like the worst person in the world for having that emotion, I want to tell you that anger is just another layer of grief. You're likely not mad at them, but mad at what the illness has done to you, your lives, right To both of you, to what you thought the future was supposed to look like. So it's not exactly about blaming them as much as it's about the loss that you're feeling and the powerlessness of being able to fix it, what you've lost as a couple. And that's often the underlying source of that anger, the frustration with what it's resulted in in your life. So I want to say, if you're feeling anger towards your partner, it doesn't mean you don't love them and it doesn't mean you're a bad person. It means you're carrying a lot and you're looking for somewhere to put those emotions, and sometimes the people closest to us get caught in the crossfire.

Marika Humphreys:

And then the last area I want to talk about is another area that's hard to admit, especially to people who do not understand or to ourselves is the anger we feel about what we've lost the illness, the diagnosis. It doesn't just impact them, it ends our life as well, and that feels very unfair. This is definitely one I experienced. I felt like in many ways was another victim of my husband's cancer, because your routines, your plans, your sense of normalcy all of it shifts almost overnight and while you didn't choose this path, that's what you find yourself on and that anger you feel. It might be about how their health has completely changed your life and the way you now live.

Marika Humphreys:

For some people, some clients, have had to give up their jobs, quit their careers in order to take care of their spouse. You might've had to step away from hobbies, friendships or just little parts of your life or your identity in order to make time for doctor's appointments or treatments or just the extra tasks that caregiving often brings. And no one is prepared for this. No one gives you a little booklet and says this is how you're supposed to handle this. So anger is definitely a result of a lot of those changes. How you're supposed to handle this.

Marika Humphreys:

So anger is definitely a result of a lot of those changes and the things that we've lost and that can lead to resentment sometimes, especially if we aren't able to acknowledge that anger. It can lead to resentment, and you look at people around you, people in your life, who seem to be living their normal lives, feeling carefree. It all seems so simple and you think, gosh, it's just not fair. Why did this happen to me? It is a challenging place to be because, on the one hand, you love your husband or spouse and you're showing up for them because you care and you want to do that, but on the other hand, you are also grieving all the things that you've lost and you've had to give up, and that grief has a sneaky way of turning into anger.

Marika Humphreys:

Anger doesn't always show up as one big dramatic moment or emotion. Sometimes it's just a lot of little things that pile up over time missed events, canceled plans, the dreams that you're quietly letting go of and then suddenly you realize you're carrying around a lot of anger that you didn't even know was there. So that is all just very normal, and I do want to say it is okay to feel that anger. We have to let ourselves be there. You are not selfish for grieving what you've lost and you're not ungrateful for being frustrated about the changes that you didn't ask for. What it means is you're just simply human, and when your life gets turned upside down, you're going to have feelings about it that takes adjusting to. So important thing to recognize here is often underlying. That is grief Grief about the things that we thought we'd have. Grief about the stability, freedom that we felt like we used to have in our life the predictability. So if you can start to just see anger as a layer of that grief, it can make a little more sense. Anger means you're just processing something hard. So I want to give all of you out there just permission to be honest about where you're feeling, what you're feeling. You're allowed to feel anger and many, many caregivers do, even if people don't actually talk about it a whole lot. So I'm going to show you how to process it, though, so that you don't stay stuck in the anger but know that it is a valid feeling and is to feel it.

Marika Humphreys:

When we let our anger simmer just below the surface, if it's not addressed, it will tend to spill over in ways that just don't feel great, tend to spill over in ways that just don't feel great. You lose your temper at the hospital receptionist or you snap at your partner over something little. You might feel constantly on edge or irritable and that will leak into your daily life, and that is something that often is not great. We don't like when that happens. But even if you're really good at kind of stuffing your emotions down, keeping your anger under wraps, it doesn't just disappear. It often will affect your sleep, your energy, your overall sense of well-being. So anger can have a way of sneaking and sort of bleeding into every aspect of your life.

Marika Humphreys:

How do we deal with anger? Well, there are two common approaches, and neither one is particularly great. The first one is that we let it control us. We vent, maybe we snap at the people who we're actually angry with. Or sometimes it's the innocent bystanders who are the recipient of our anger. You probably all know what I'm talking about. You find yourself being short with the nurse who asks the same question for the third time, or impatient with the person in front of you at the grocery store. It's not really about them, but the anger is so close to the surface, just bubbling there, that it just spills out. Or maybe it's at your kids or your coworkers, or even your spouse people you love and don't actually want to hurt, but they're there and your frustration needs to go somewhere, so it might feel like venting, that anger gives you a release in the moment, but it doesn't really, because the problem isn't solved, the anger hasn't gone anywhere. Now you just feel guilty on top of everything else, and when that happens repeatedly, it will start to strain your relationships. The people around you might feel like they're walking on eggshells, and that is not what you want. So I think a good analogy to think of is it's like steam building up inside a pressure cooker and when you let that explode, sure it releases the pressure, but it makes a huge mess in the process, and that mess takes time and energy to clean up. So that might be in the form of repairing strained relationships or apologizing for words that you never meant to say. It's not a useful way to deal with anger.

Marika Humphreys:

The other common way that we deal with anger and I think this tends to be more common for women is that we suppress it, and this is a sneaky one, because it feels like the better option. We tell ourselves I shouldn't feel this way, or we rationalize it. I know the doctor's just doing their job. I know my husband didn't ask for this illness. I know I should be more patient. And while those thoughts may be true, they don't actually make the anger go away. You still feel the anger. We just push it down and we rationalize it and we try to ignore it.

Marika Humphreys:

And the thing about suppressed anger is it also just doesn't disappear. It just simmers beneath the surface and eventually it will find its way out, and often that could be through snapping at someone weeks later over something minor, or it's through physical symptoms like headaches or poor sleep, or you're feeling just a constant sense of irritability that you can't get rid of. If you're trying to hold a beach ball underwater, you can do that for a while, but it takes energy to do that, so it exhausts you and eventually, when you do let go of that ball, it shoots up. And when that happens, it surprises. It can be a surprise right For you or the people around you. So that's what can happen with suppressed anger.

Marika Humphreys:

The other way I think suppressed anger shows up to is we tend to judge ourselves. That's what I did. I didn't like feeling angry, so I would tell myself I shouldn't feel so angry. I don't want to feel this way. I'm not an angry person, but by suppressing it and judging it, judging myself for having that emotion, that didn't work either. Anger didn't go anywhere, it just stayed there and I felt miserable about it. So both of these approaches venting or suppressing they feel like ways to get rid of our anger, but they really just keep us stuck. Venting can create external damage and suppressing creates internal damage, and neither one actually helps us process or move through the anger in a healthy way. So what do we do instead? How do we face anger without letting it control us or push it away? That's where emotional awareness and processing comes in, and I will get to that in a minute. But first I want you to recognize that what's really important to understand is it is okay to feel anger. The problem isn't the anger itself, it's what we do with it.

Marika Humphreys:

We often think that anger can be useful when we're problem solving, especially when we're dealing again with a medical system. That can be very frustrating, because anger feels powerful, right. It feels like this surge of energy that motivates us to take action, to stand up for ourselves or to fix something, to fix what's wrong. There is a reason we feel that way because anger can be a catalyst to advocate for ourselves or to set boundaries. It can be a fuel for that and when harnessed kind of carefully, I think it can get you moving. But more often than not, anger actually makes solving problems harder.

Marika Humphreys:

Using the medical system, for example, imagine that you've been on hold for 40 minutes only to have someone transfer you to the wrong department. I'm sure that's happened to probably everybody. Or you're dealing with a nurse who's asking the same questions, or asking your husband the same questions again and again. It's infuriating and in that moment anger feels justified. So you vent right. Maybe you snap, or you raise your voice, or you just let that frustration leak out in the tone of your voice. But what happens next is the person on the other end of the line, whether it's the nurse or the receptionist or the billing person. They don't suddenly become more helpful, they get defensive, or they might shut down or become less responsive or just try to end the interaction as quickly as possible.

Marika Humphreys:

Because when someone is angry with us, our natural reaction is to feel defensive. No one likes being on the receiving end of somebody's anger, even if it's understandable and I mean the good ones are trained to handle that but it doesn't help. It does not help the situation. Most of the time the person we're dealing with isn't the one responsible for the problem. The nurse didn't create the policy. They're just the person you're talking to at that moment. So anger doesn't make them want to help you anymore, it makes them want to protect themselves. And that's true for everybody in our life.

Marika Humphreys:

And when we use anger to try and fix things, it doesn't just impact the interaction, it impacts us, because after we've vented or snapped at someone or been short with them, how do we feel? We might feel? Initially a sense of release or justification or vindication, like I told them. But then we often feel bad about it or even shameful about it, like I shouldn't have been so harsh or that wasn't called for. So, instead of feeling better, we don't like how we behave and that can often make us feel worse. So anger can feel powerful in the moment, but it's rarely effective at actually solving problems. Trying to get things done, you're not going to get anywhere useful. So if anger isn't the best tool, what is right? How to process anger so you can respond intentionally instead of letting it run the show? Well, one part about that is understanding that what's often behind the anger is another emotion.

Marika Humphreys:

Anger is often the tip of the iceberg and it's the emotion that shows up on the surface, but underneath there's often a lot more going on. Anger can be like a mask. It's a cover for other emotions, other emotions that are harder to sit with, because we talked about anger can feel powerful. We might feel it feels, in a way, good to have anger, but what we're really feeling is powerlessness. And when you're dealing with something like cancer, you're up against this huge, cruel, faceless force and you can't actually fight it directly, you can't fix it. So that sense of helplessness and lack of control can be maddening. But instead of feeling powerless, we feel angry, because anger gives us that sense of action. We can do something about it. Or if we're again angry at the medical system, when we're trying to get through the red tape and the frustration and the crazy insurance requirements and feeling like we're getting nowhere, that's where powerlessness often shows up again, and instead of sitting with how helpless or defeated we feel, it's much easier to just feel angry. So anger is often a louder, more powerful feeling, response and an emotion that we can kind of feel more comfortable having.

Marika Humphreys:

Yeah, and there is more than just powerlessness. Often underneath anger, sometimes it's hiding an emotion like fear or sadness. I think this happens a lot when you're caring for someone who's seriously ill, you might be terrified underneath that anger, terrified of losing them, terrified of what the future holds, or heartbroken watching someone you love go through so much pain, watching their body shrink and fear and sadness are very vulnerable emotions and when we feel them, we often feel raw and fragile and exposed. But anger feels strong, it's hot, it can feel sometimes like armor, something that we can put on to protect ourselves. It's so much easier to say I'm so mad at the situation than it is to say I'm scared of what's going to happen or I'm heartbroken looking at my husband.

Marika Humphreys:

However, the hard truth is, if we don't acknowledge the underlying emotion, if we don't have a willingness to look at those deeper emotions, anger will keep showing up and it'll keep taking center stage because it hasn't been replaced with what actually needs to be felt. So what do you do instead? Like, how do you face and deal with your anger in a way that's actually healthy? The first step is to notice it. Now. I know that sounds obvious, but it's trickier than you think.

Marika Humphreys:

A lot of times, anger is simmering quietly beneath the surface and we are so busy keeping everything together and running to appointments, juggling work and caregiving and life and kids. We don't realize how much is building up until we snap or until we notice that irritability. Okay, one of my clients recently she's not an angry person, but she was recently talking about how she found herself angry with people sending her texts saying I'm thinking about you, and the anger came up because she's like, well, that doesn't help me. It's nice to send wishes, but that's not really helpful. And then she felt bad about it because she knew they were just trying to say nice things and what we talked about was it wasn't really them that she was angry at, it was just anger. She was just angry, angry at her situation.

Marika Humphreys:

The thing is anger doesn't always announce itself clearly. It can come out sideways or in the tone of our voice or how we react to those little things. So when you feel yourself getting upset, pause and ask yourself is this really about what just happened or is there something deeper going on? That's a really good question to ask and that is part of emotional awareness. It's tuning into your own behavior and recognizing when something isn't adding up. And this is, quite honestly, one of the biggest things I do as a coach is helping clients see what's underneath asking those questions, and then the next step is to allow the anger. Now this can be hard and this is where people often get stuck in understanding what that means.

Marika Humphreys:

Allowing doesn't mean yelling into a pillow or throwing things or venting. It means acknowledging the anger to yourself. It means saying I'm angry and that's okay. Or I recognize I'm just really angry right now. What I say to myself is okay, marika, breathe in it, just allow this. I literally tell myself breathe in it.

Marika Humphreys:

Most of us resist anger because it feels uncomfortable or because we've been taught that it's bad to feel angry. So we automatically jump to thoughts like I shouldn't feel this way. But avoiding anger doesn't make it go away. It pushes it down. And like the beach ball analogy right, when we shove something or try to hold something underwater, the harder we push it down, the stronger it fights to pop back up, you know, and it eventually will. So instead, if you just let it be there no judgment, no resistance that energy will start to move and it eventually will just like the beach ball it will just drift away.

Marika Humphreys:

So allowing your anger means sitting with it. Notice where you feel it in your body. Sometimes it's like a clenching in your chest or a tightness in your throat or a tension in your jaw. Acknowledge it. This is where my anger is showing up. Let it exist, without trying to push it away or without trying to fix it or deny it or judge it.

Marika Humphreys:

I know that is not easy. Sitting with anger often means facing deeper emotions and it sometimes will lead to the emotions underneath coming up, like the fear or the grief or the powerlessness. Those emotions are often harder to feel because they make us feel vulnerable. But the counter intuitive truth that I mentioned is that when you allow yourself to feel those underlying emotions, the anger actually starts to loosen its grip and you don't have to and it doesn't actually have to fight so hard to protect you. We put on that anger like armor, but when we're willing to open up to the deeper emotions, we don't need that armor anymore, and the reason why this works is when we resist our emotions like anger, we block that energy from moving through us.

Marika Humphreys:

Trying to hold back a river is the analogy I often give. You can damn it up for a while, but the pressure builds and it'll eventually burst through or overflow, often in ways that we don't intend. But when we allow the emotion. When we are willing to sit with it without judgment, that energy of the anger will dissipate. It is a way, it's a release. We allow it to release, it takes the pressure off. I will absolutely say this does take practice but it is worth it and you can do this process with all the emotions we feel. It's a way to let emotion move through you without letting it control you or without suppressing it. Right when we have, we damage ourselves inside.

Marika Humphreys:

So the next time you feel that anger creeping in, whether it's towards cancer, the medical system or your partner, pause, take a breath, notice it, allow it. You might even say breathe it in. You don't have to like it, but you just have to let it be and just be willing to let it be, because when you do, you create space to understand what's really going on underneath it, and that can make all the difference. So here's the bottom line Anger is normal. It's a normal human response to an incredibly hard situation and whether it's anger you're feeling at the world, at cancer, at the medical system, or at your partner or what you've lost in this experience or in your life, does not make you a bad person. It just means that you're feeling the weight of something that's really, really hard, but you don't have to let anger run the show or impact you in unhealthy ways, like coming out through your sleep or irritability showing up irritable, but by noticing it and allowing it and getting curious about what's underneath you, give yourself the opportunity to move through it and to let it let go of you right, Without it controlling you. So remember, breathe, pause, breathe, acknowledge. Let it float, like the beach ball we talked about. It's not about pushing it away, it's about letting it pass, and I promise you, when you do that, you will feel a bit lighter and a bit more like yourself again.

Marika Humphreys:

Okay, so I hope that was helpful. Thanks for joining me today. If this episode really resonated with you, just take a moment and leave me a review. That would be amazing. That helps other people find the podcast, or share this podcast episode with someone who might need to hear it too. Because anger, we all feel it. So again, my friends, you are not alone in this experience. This is hard and I will see you next time.