In This Together: Building Resilience When Caregiving for Your Partner

31. Physical Resilience in Caregiving

• Marika • Season 1 • Episode 31

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Physical resilience is all about maintaining your energy as a caregiver. It’s easy to put yourself last, especially when your partner needs you, but keeping your own body strong and energized is crucial to showing up as the caregiver you want to be. 

In the podcast, I dive into what physical resilience looks like for caregivers—everything from developing a self-care mindset to understanding your own energy patterns.

I talk about how important it is to believe that your health matters. Often, caregivers, especially women, tend to ignore their own needs. But making your health a priority will give you the stamina to handle the ups and downs of caregiving. I also break down practical tips for improving sleep, getting regular movement, and eating better, so you can stay energized and avoid burnout.

It’s not just about survival—it’s about thriving while caregiving. If you can maintain your physical resilience, you’ll not only be a calmer, more patient caregiver, but you’ll also feel better equipped to handle whatever challenges come your way.

As a Resiliency Coach for people who are caregiving for their partner, I'm here to support YOU, the caregiver. Learn more about my work at www.coachmarika.com.

Marika Humphreys:

Hey caregivers, and welcome back to the podcast. Today I wanna chat with you about something that doesn't get enough attention but is absolutely crucial, and that is your physical resilience, in other words, maintaining your physical energy. Now you might be thinking energy is kind of obvious and sort of basic, but you know, when you're a caregiver, your energy isn't just about being awake or not falling asleep, like sometimes we worry about at work. It's about having the stamina to tackle the daily tasks, having the patience to get through the tough moments and having, ultimately, the resilience to keep going, even when you sometimes feel like you're running on empty. So we sometimes take our energy levels for granted, but imagine you're trying to drive, or you're planning to drive, a long road trip and you've got a near empty tank of gas. You might make it a little ways down the road, but eventually you're going to run out of gas, and that is what it's like when your physical energy is low. You can't go the distance if you don't simply have enough gas. So the more that you can keep your energy level steady, better you'll be able to handle the ups and downs of caregiving, and this is why one of the types of resilience that I talk about and I teach my clients is physical resilience, because having the energy to be present and responsive makes a huge difference. It can help you stay calm under pressure, it can help you handle problems with a clear mind and it helps you maintain patience and compassion that, a lot of times, we want to be able to have for our partner, because you are the captain, my friends, of this ship and your energy is just one more, one aspect, one important aspect that keeps you on course and helps you steer through those rough waters. So, stick around. This is going to be a good one.

Marika Humphreys:

Let's dive in to what I mean by physical resilience, and I'll just say that this is the third in a four-part series on resilience and the different aspects of resilience that I talk about and I teach my clients. You can listen to them in any order, so you can go back and listen to the other episodes, but this is the third and four part series. Okay, so the way I define physical resilience is the ability to maintain your physical energy so that you can show up in your life and as a caregiver the way you want to, and what I've been doing in each episode is giving an example of two fictional caregivers they're just names pulled out of my head, they don't refer to any specific person, but the situations are things that I've drawn from my experience and that is. The two caregivers are Mary and Mary Ann. Okay, so let's talk about Mary.

Marika Humphreys:

Mary's been caregiving for her husband, jim, who has some serious health challenges and her heart is in the right place, but she has been neglecting her own physical self-care, and so the situation is that Jim has had a particularly rough day and he just needs a little extra help. He needs some help with his medications, he needs a little extra comfort and just really wants her to be there. But Mary is running on empty. She's been skipping meals and she hasn't been sleeping well and she feels like she hasn't had a moment to herself in forever. So when Jim's rough day hits, mary tries to be there for him, but she is struggling because her energy is so low that she's just irritable. She's having trouble focusing, she snaps at Jim when he asks her to do something and she just feels overwhelmed by even the simplest things. So instead of being calm and supportive and present like she wants to be, she's frazzled and exhausted.

Marika Humphreys:

Now Marianne is in a different situation. She's also caregiving for her husband, bob, but she has been really diligent about maintaining her self-care routine and so Bob also has a rough day and he needs a lot of extra care. He needs medication, help, he wants some comfort and just wants someone to listen to her and Mary Ann because she has been focusing on her own wellbeing. She's been eating well, she's been really working on getting enough sleep and making time for regular walks and also just recognizing when her energy levels are low and when she needs to take a break to recharge. So when Bob's rough day hits, marianne is way more prepared. She is able to approach the situation with a clear mind. She's got energy. She is able to respond calmly and efficiently to Bob's needs. She organizes his medications. She is able to just be there and sit by him and listen to him. Because she's been taking care of her own energy. She is able to handle the stress of her own day with a level head and with patience for her partner in the way that she wants to, and this helps her too. When unexpected things arrive, she's more equipped to manage them because her energy reserves help her stay focused. They help her adapt. She's better able to problem solve kind of on the fly and she's also better at setting boundaries and taking breaks when she needs to maintain her own wellbeing.

Marika Humphreys:

So you can see again these are just fictional, made up examples, but based on truth right that the difference between Mary and Mary Ann's ability to cope in the just the regular parts of caring for their partner. It's significant. Mary is tired, she's irritable and she's overwhelmed because she has not been maintaining her own self-care, she's been neglecting it, and so she is not able to kind of be there for Bob when he needs her in the way she wants, and it's like she's trying to drive that car on the road trip with an empty tank of gas. She's just not able to give the best care because she's running on fumes. Marianne, on the other hand, has strong physical resilience because she's well-rested, she's energized and she's focused because she's been taking care of her health, and so when Bob needs extra care, marianne handles it calmly, efficiently, she's able to adapt and provide better support.

Marika Humphreys:

So physical resilience means really paying attention to your energy and all the things that go into having energy reserve. So I want to talk about that now. I define five components of physical resilience and the first one is having a self-care mindset, and the first one is having a self-care mindset. So this is all about recognizing that your own health is crucial. It is easy to think that caregiving should be your only focus, but if you don't take care of yourself, you are not going to be able to take care of anyone else effectively, and we, I think, run into that when we've been caregiving for a while. So you are the superhero in this journey, as I've said, and the superheroes they need their own downtime. They need to recharge as well. So believing in the importance of your own health means acknowledging that your energy levels directly impact how you show up as a caregiver.

Marika Humphreys:

And why I talk about mindset is because you have to believe that it's not selfish to put yourself first. Sometimes it's necessary, and sometimes that might mean stepping back, taking a breather, even if it feels like you're letting your partner down or they need you. Sometimes it's a choice. You have to be willing to make that difficult choice. In the moment that can be really hard to do. If you don't first believe that your own care is important, you won't be able to make those hard choices in order to maintain your energy.

Marika Humphreys:

I have a client who really had to struggle with this on a day-to-day basis. Her husband was nearing the end of his life, and so we spent just most of our calls focused on helping her maintain her energy so that she could show up for him in the way that she wanted to be, in the way that she could be proud of herself for, and that meant that sometimes, when he wanted her there, she needed to step away, because she was. He wanted her there. She needed to step away because she was simply exhausted and at the end of her rope, and that allowed her, though, to be there for him at other times, but it was a choice and a very difficult one for her to make, but because we were so focused on it and she knew she had to balance her energy in order to be there for him at other times. So that comes with believing that your that starts really with believing that your own care is critical.

Marika Humphreys:

Okay, next is understanding your energy patterns. A part of building your physical resilience is paying attention to when your energy is good and when it's running low, and you really want to develop like a personal energy meter for yourself, because recognizing your own patterns helps you manage your day better, helps you manage your tasks more effectively. For example, I know for myself that I have more energy in the morning and that is when I try to do the more demanding tasks. And the other part of this is understanding what gives you energy and what drains your energy. For instance, if a certain activity or a certain person leaves you feeling drained, you want to be conscious of that and try to manage how much time you spend on it. Or maybe it's necessary let's say, your partner has some chemo sessions coming up that you know are really challenging for them and therefore it's going to take more energy for you just to be supportive. So, knowing this, you can prepare in advance for it. You can work on streamlining your routine for that period of time and figuring out how you can essentially kind of save energy for this extra demanding time. And then, on the flip side, knowing what gives you energy, what lifts your spirits, and making time for those. And it could be a hobby, it could be a walk in the park, it could just be a few minutes of closing your eyes, like those are. It doesn't have to be big, but you do need to be aware of what gives you energy, what fills your tank back up.

Marika Humphreys:

Okay, sleep is another biggie. We all know how crucial it is and I feel like the older I get, the more crucial my sleep is. But it is really easy to overlook or to downplay the importance of it when you're caregiving and when you're busy. And I find that the stress and worry that caregivers experience often results in more sleep problems and challenges with their sleep, because they end up waking up more frequently in the evenings or in the middle of the night or having trouble getting to sleep. I know I did. I felt like I went through a year where I woke up. It felt like every single night at 2 am on the dot and my mind would be racing and I would really struggle to get back to sleep.

Marika Humphreys:

So good sleep habits are essential for maintaining your energy and your overall health and you need to have a regular sleep schedule and stick to it as much as possible. And you also need to have some tools and strategies when sleep challenges do arise. And sometimes you are just going to be on high alert because of your partner's situation and you just might not. You might go through a period of time where you just won't get good sleep. So having recovery techniques that's what I call them like naps and figuring out when you can get some naps in during the day. If you're going through a period where you're sort of on high alert at night, it can make a huge difference and is vital.

Marika Humphreys:

So sleep is a big part of maintaining your physical resilience. Along with that is movement. Now, a lot of times we focus on exercise, but when you're caregiving to maintain your energy, it doesn't have to be an intense workout, just regular, consistent movement. It could be a walk, it could be yoga. I sometimes pace around in my apartment when I'm getting gas. I walk laps around my car just because movement is important. You can dance around the living room. You need to find something that works for you, obviously, but recognizing and committing to just getting movement in your day. You can take laps in a hospital right. Having movement is part of your routine and the awareness of its importance and maintaining your energy because it keeps your body in good shape right. It also just got to boost your energy levels.

Marika Humphreys:

When you're tired, it is one of the best things to wake you up is moving. It's usually the last thing we want to do, but it is the best thing for us. I just had this week. Actually, sunday night I had some things on my mind and I just got really poor sleep and I was really really tired on Monday. It's rare for me these days it doesn't happen a lot, but I was very aware of it and I actually that evening just went for a short bike ride and I tell you I felt so much better. It was both the fresh air, it was just moving my body. Usually, moving is often the last thing I want to do when I'm tired, but, oh my gosh, it makes the biggest difference in getting your energy back. So, plus, it's just a great way to clear your mind and reduce stress.

Marika Humphreys:

And then, lastly, let's talk about diet, good eating habits. Eating well isn't just about keep maintaining your weight. It's about fueling your body so that you have the energy to take on your caregiving duties, or just the requirements of caregiving. Having a basic eating plan that includes foods and a routine that helps you maintain your energy and feel good in your body is a part of physical resilience, and that means you have to understand the importance of food and knowing which foods will impact your energy levels, and in a positive way, and which foods will impact them in a negative way. And this is hard as well, because when we're stressed and when things are difficult, a lot of us turn to food for comfort. I am one of those people and the foods we choose are usually not the best for our body and our overall health. So that is just also why there are different aspects of resilience and they all go hand in hand. And having emotional coping tools is just as important as maintaining your energy, because when you've got other ways to handle the stress, you're less likely to numb with food. Okay, so to summarize here, the five components that go into building your physical resilience are having a self-care mindset, understanding your energy patterns, good sleep habits, regular movement and good eating habits.

Marika Humphreys:

And I want to talk now about the impact of having physical resilience has when you're a caregiver. Right, it's not just about feeling good Well, that is important but it's also about transforming literally the day-to-day. How you handle the day-to-day challenges of caregiving has a lot to do with how much energy you have and how much energy you are able to maintain over the long run. So one of the biggest challenges impacts that having and maintaining your physical resilience has is that you are better able to handle stressful situations when you're well-rested and you have energy, you are just better equipped to handle stress and stressful situations with calm and with patience. If you've had a good night's sleep and you've been eating right and you're generally feeling upbeat and positive, when your partner needs something in the evening, you're not going to be frazzled or short-tempered. Instead, you're going to be able to respond with kindness, with compassion.

Marika Humphreys:

I remember telling my teenager for years, I would always tell my teenager well, my now teenager, my child Ren, when she'd ask me for something late in the evening. I would tell them look, I am tired and I am running very low on energy. Can this wait till tomorrow? Because this is generally not the time for you to ask me something. And so, because I would say that so often, I really trained Ren to not ask me for things in the evening because basically, I just wasn't at my best and Ren learned that very quickly. So it was my way of just acknowledging my own limits and communicating them to my family, which was my kid asking me for things.

Marika Humphreys:

So when you're physically resilient, you can keep your patience and stay calm, even in the late night fatigue periods. If that's what it is for you, like it is for me, you're better able to solve problems, and that's important as a caregiver. Having energy makes you better equipped, I should say, and really I think, a better problem solver. When you're exhausted, your brain when you're not exhausted, I should say your brain works more efficiently. You're able to think clearly, come up with creative solutions, handle issues as they come up without feeling overwhelmed. So you are just sharper. You're kind of like you're sharper and more ready to go when you have energy. And obviously too, energy just helps you keep going, even when it's a lot Like, even when you have a lot on your plate. Caregiving can often feel like you're juggling a million things at once, and when you're physically resilient, you will maintain the stamina to keep going even when things pile up, because you'll have the mindset and the tools and you'll know how to put certain things aside. So instead of feeling drained by your to-do list, you can tackle them or you can figure out what's most important and focus your energy on those things right. So when you've got that reserve, it helps you power through when you need to.

Marika Humphreys:

And that client that I was just talking about, that I gave the example she is one of the most physically resilient clients I've ever worked with and her ability to maintain her energy and when things were really tough and she had a lot on her plate was amazing to me, and also it was an example of what we are capable of as humans. I think often as caregivers, we underestimate the energy reserves that we have within us. I truly now believe that we all have a deep well of energy reserves and we have the ability to tap into those if we need to, even when we're exhausted, and that, I think, takes a little skill but it is possible. There's energy always there, even when you don't think there is. But maintaining that right, she also worked to maintain her physical energy on a day-to-day basis. So that is what gave her the ability to tap into those deep reserves, even when she was really tired. If she had been depleting herself day in and day out, she wouldn't have done that. There wouldn't have been a reserve. But when you do this over time, you sort of, I think, built up a reserve. You do this over time, you sort of, I think, built up a reserve.

Marika Humphreys:

And another benefit really of physical resilience is you're better able to handle the unexpected. Life is unpredictable and unexpected events and problems are part of the caregiving journey. And when you're in good physical shape, with energy kind of in terms of your energy you're better prepared to handle those surprises. You're better able to be flexible and be responsive, and so when unexpected things come up, you're better able to adapt without getting too stressed or overwhelmed. And then, finally, maintaining your physical resilience is really crucial to avoiding burnout. There are a few things, I think, that go into avoiding burnout, but your physical resilience is definitely one of them.

Marika Humphreys:

Caregiving is demanding and if you're not taking your care of yourself, you are at the risk of burning out. And when you focus on your physical wellbeing, you help prevent that what can be all too familiar feeling of just being completely drained and defeated right. Instead, you are able to sustain, to keep your energies up, to stay engaged and continue showing up in your life the way that you want, providing the care for your partner in the way that you want, supporting the people who need you and supporting yourself, but because you're supporting yourself right. So being physically resilient doesn't just help you get through each day. It transforms your entire caregiving experience. It allows you to show up as your best self, given your current circumstances right. It allows you to handle challenges with grace and maintain your own wellbeing throughout the journey, because your journey continues and so often caregivers they put their own journey aside.

Marika Humphreys:

I feel like I definitely did that, and I see caregivers do that, so it's something we have to always be aware of, because our journey continues and part of our journey is our physical health All right. So thank you for joining me today. I really hope this was helpful. You got to take care of yourself so you can show up and be the best for not only yourself, but for everybody else who is turning to you.

Marika Humphreys:

We have one more left in this series and I will do that and that will be out next week, but you can listen to them again in any order and if you want help with any of this, I have a process I work walk my clients through to set up a self-care routine that takes into account their circumstances. Right to account, their circumstances right. We often think we need to just totally forego our self-care, but really it's just about adjusting adjusting to your current circumstances as a caregiver. So that is something I walk my clients through when they work with me. So if you're interested, go to my website, you can set up a consultation and until next time. I'll see you next week.